Free Fall into Summer

In the past four weeks of summer, I found myself in the middle of a recurring conversation with some friends on the importance of rest and being open to reconnecting with old friends as well as forming new and genuine connections. Summertime is meant to be a relaxing and reflective period for all of us. Oftentimes, we forget that because of our obsession with busying ourselves and filling up those resumes. Downtime is equally important and should be taken more often and seriously. I don’t see a better time to do this other than summer.

The past few days have been particularly gloomy because of the heavy rain and news that pushed me to write out all these personal sentiments. With an increasing number of reported suicides such as that of two successful individuals Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade, mental health clearly needs to be discussed and addressed more. Hosting talks and opening safe spaces that encourage showing vulnerability, sharing and admitting one’s depression with those that we trust is what we need. Self-evaluation, self-care, and self-help are more pressing today and should be brought to the fore. Contrary to common belief, I see vulnerability as a sign of courage and compassion. Vulnerability should not be seen as a weakness, but an essential part of humanity. Both Bourdain and Spade seemed to have had it all -- or so I thought... Who would have thought that these two brilliant and talented individuals would take their own lives just like that? Things might have panned out differently if they had a stronger emotional support system as well as more open-ended conversations centered on their feelings. This goes to show how powerful the mind is and how dangerous it can be when we choose to suffer alone in silence. The worst part in all this is the pain and grief that their loved ones are left with. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of self-pity and hopelessness when we count all the mistakes, weaknesses, and problems we have in the world, but we mustn't forget that at the end of the day, we have loved ones who believe in us and love us for who we are. It’s not so much about getting validation from others, but having greater reason to love and believe in ourselves too. Yes, we all have our own set of insecurities and struggles, but it is how we accept and deal with them that ultimately affect our decisions and actions. One thing I picked up from these tragedies that is perfectly summed up in this quote I heard from a Filipino film is: “success isn’t always about being the best or having the most, but it’s about being happy with what you have and what life brings you. It’s learning to accept when we are less yet always striving to be better. Maybe then can we only be truly successful.” In other words, more than academic and professional success is personal success and contentment. We can only truly be happy if we are secure with ourselves. To truly love and value those around you, your profession, and your life entails loving and valuing yourself first and foremost. Because how can you truly love others if you can’t even love yourself? So, take the time to prioritize and better yourself first before you bring others into your life because an insecure you will only pass on the hurt and emotional baggage unto others. Misery loves company, as they would say, but don’t be the person that drags others into your hot mess. Recognize that you could spare yourself and others from unnecessary and additional heartache by working on yourself as a single individual.

The past semester was sprinkled with little victories to celebrate, but also had its crazy plot twists. I was bogged down for some time because of a relationship that faded unexpectedly and mysteriously. I thought this old friend was being true to me and really cared for me the way I did, but I discovered later on that there was something else going on behind my back. I had to find out and hear the truth from other sources. It was heartbreaking because I trusted this one person. This old friend suddenly disappeared one day, and it sucked when I eventually cut ties, but I knew it was due time and that I did what was best. I used to have all these questions for this person because I did not understand how and why things had to turn out the way they did, but I told myself to stop wondering and drop it. This person probably didn’t even have answers. I decided to leave these questions unanswered. When you know deep in your heart that you were sincere and did your very best to work things out, then you have nothing to worry about nor regret because you did everything you could. The only option left was to let go and accept. Pain indeed is a terrible feeling, but it also makes those happy moments in life the sweetest and most victorious. I may have lost this one person, but I gained more friends during this difficult time and those that were always there like Jane and Sienna remained by my side. Pain brings out newfound strength. It also serves as an opportunity to make something beautiful out of this strong emotion and teach others important life lessons. After all, the best art comes from the heart. Pain fortifies our desire and motivation to better ourselves physically, intellectually, socially, and professionally. Pain is also humbling as you learn to accept and work with what you have. Even if you don’t have control over everything in life, you do have what it takes to make the most out of it because you are the master of your fate!

With that said, I thought to myself that now is the perfect time to change things up a little this summer. It’s about time that I choose myself, my happiness, and well-being after all the hard-work I’ve exerted this past semester and year. This summer, I choose to focus on my fitness, enjoying time and travel with friends and family, and honing the different interests and passions that I’ve always wanted to cultivate. Working on a passion project or a meaningful internship is just one part if it, but this time, my priority is me. I hope we learn to love ourselves so that we can love those around us. This summer, let’s be there for ourselves and others. Let’s restore humanity by teaching others to feel and to love.

Zen time in Bohol.