Overcoming Dissonance

In a world drenched in fear, trauma, and fury, 

ranging from my international high school culture, the Filipino society at large, to now different 

parts of the world such as the US where I currently reside,

my faith is extremely challenged, stretched, and fortified. 

Heart open, eyes up, 

I search for larger truth and justice. 

An avalanche fills my chest whenever I am reminded of past injustices that continue to pervade 

minds and bodies.

With so much anger and entitlement wafting in the air,  the blazing fire that consumed me in the 

past is rekindled and if let loose, can potentially burn...

Every time this seemingly uncontrollable flame of fury attempts to harden and stop my heart 

from hoping and loving, it is safely extinguished whenever I witness the lasting effect of 

outpouring love, mercy and forgiveness up close and personal.

Love can drastically transform a person from one way to another. 

I’ve seen it and experienced this grace myself.

In a world that is not always kind, years of receiving and giving love retained my 

softness, but loving doesn’t always mean being nice.

And being nice isn’t always loving. 

Most importantly, although kindness may be learned from experiencing unkindness,

that doesn’t mean that unkindness should be tolerated. 

Delivering truth and honesty — even if it hurts — is an ultimate act of love.

Learning to love when not being loved was painful yet rewarding in its own strange way. 

Other than myself, I learned to respect, accept, and acknowledge others precisely because of 

moments when I had none of that and had to endure. 

Now I am torn because of the current state of my home country and the world. 

Past injustices are rehashed and reproduced systemically and structurally that I can not bear to 

say and do nothing for much longer.

Battle scars aren’t left behind for nothing. 

This is just the beginning — the first step taken. 

The social justice side of me resurfaces, boils and fumes once again as I read intensively, 

watch debates, and engage in difficult conversations that confront all these injustices in the form 

of letters and petitions. 

Critical awareness, understanding and action are crucial in this day and age;

mending and healing are what the world needs.

So, here I am struggling with dissonance as I write this because I am oscillating between a sea 

of questions and an ocean of exclamations.

Here I am slowly learning to embrace the unraveling and the shedding.

And here I am learning what it truly means to be human,

and to face the silence, the uncomfortable, and the heaviness with bravery. 

Left with more questions, I embrace them as friends,

I welcome confusion, learning, breaking, unlearning, re-learning, and living.

Not broken, just becoming...

Let’s keep trying and fighting in our own little or grand way.

No more running away.